| Algebra: Part Deux |
Multiplication is vexation,
Division is just as bad;
The Rule of Three perplexes me,
And Practice drives me mad.
– Old Rhyme
Monday I go back to school. For the last week and a half my mind has been racing with anxious thoughts. This mainly happens at night when I am most struck by the horrid realization that I am taking an algebra class this semester, full out algebra mind you, not the gentle, baby pre-algebra of last semester. Even the infant algebra of last semester kicked my behind and caused me to cry tears of insecurity and frustration. Sometimes I feel math is like a terrible person that really hurt someone I loved and when I look at it, I see red. Mainly though I just feel fear, and hear that little voice, that stupid inner voice I have been hearing since middle school, "Your stupid, you can't do math!" Hopefully this semester, I will finally silence it.
L |
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| The pain of wanting to be perfect |
 
I have done a lot of thinking lately about the roots of my anxiety, etc. It is pretty obvious to me now that its just "me and me" as far as this battle with panic goes. I have not been successful with the plethora of therapists, hypnotists, social workers, and medicines I have encountered throughout my life. I realized two things recently. Two things that I believe may be at the root of my panic problems. One: I am a perfectionist. I get terribly upset when I don't make top marks in school, when my personal space is not just right, when I fall doing yoga. I have shied away from many relationships because I worry people will reject me for not being "enough",not thin enough, or pretty enough, or supportive enough, basically perfect enough. I try hard to keep people at a distance so that I don't have to deal with the pain when they realize how imperfect I am. I always feel tense because of this. I don't do well with being bad at things, and I am bad at a great many things, lol. Two: I don't think I am able to handle anything or do anything really well. I always think that I am going to fall apart when something goes really wrong. I feel like I am always failing at school and no matter how many times I get an A, I still feel this way. Even my blog posts! I reread them several times to make sure there are no spelling errors and that everything is typed just so.
Yikes.
Blessings, L |
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| Help Haiti |
Haiti: A brief background
Many of you have heard about the recent earthquake that has rocked the country of Haiti. This is just another in a long line of disasters that has plagued Haiti. The world has responded to this crisis by sending money, food, medicine, but the people of Haiti need all the support they can get at this time. Please consider giving what you can to help. Below are some websites that might be helpful to you.
World Food Programme
Helping the victims of Haiti |
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posted by L at 
